Finding your breastfeeding groove ..... how to find it sooner.

Part 2 

Apart form sore nipples weeks down the track that are usually easily turned into normal nipples with a simple adjustment here and there, the other common reason holding mums back from finding peace within their breastfeeding experience is the doubt that their baby is getting enough because of how frequently baby feeds. Once it is clear to mum the reason baby feeds so often and mum embraces the frequent feedings mum can then embrace breastfeeding with peace.

Why do babies feed often?

In the early days (days 0-3) they are getting hungry. Baby is waiting for mums milk to come in.  Baby isn’t trying to bring mums milk in, baby doesn’t know its not there yet, all baby knows is that the breast is the source of food and after 48hours or so some babies are getting quite the appetite and the small volumes of colostrum aren’t quite cutting it any more. This is normal, baby does not need any formula to top her up, she simply needs access to the breast, the milk will come in and baby will soon be sated. It really is patience on mums behalf and an understanding that baby isn’t starving; the colostrum she’s getting is nourishing her plenty even if she’s adamant she wants more.

Breastmilk is a complete food, baby uses up every last bit of milk, and there is very little waste product. Breastmilk is largely water and is digested very readily. 

Babies regulate their own intake. Unlike bottle feeding where for example 150ml is taken in on time, every time. A baby feeding at the breast will take in a different amount every time. What she takes in is dependent on her appetite, when she last fed, how sleepy, how warm or cold she is, among many other factors. How much she takes will then directly affect when she feeds next. Little feed, little sleep. Big feed, big sleep. In theory J

Breastfeeding is so much more than just food. Do you only eat breakfast, lunch and dinner? All your baby needs is access to the breast and she will tell you how much and how often she wants it. It might feel like a lot. Its not a lot though, when you consider that’s what your baby needs to grow and thrive and be content because she’s not just hungry, she’s thirsty, she’s cold, she's tired, she’s lonely.... she’s smart.

 

Baby Louie at the boob.

Louie is slung in mums arms, he is grizzly after a car ride to the park.
He boobs.
He breaths, he drinks, he sleeps.
He lets go the boob, he's warm and full.
Brother comes bounding.
He wakes with a start,
Hes ok.
He looks all around, he's cold.
He cries.
He boobs.
He coughs and splutters, he goes back in for for more.
He's done.
He gets passed around.
He doesn't like that much.
Back to mum.
He boobs.
He's not happy, he fusses, he farts.
 He doesn't want to be put down so brother can be tended to.
He gets mum back.
 He gets the other boob.
He breathes, he drinks, he sleeps.

baby louie 6 weeks

Breastfeeding, the choice....

Thanks be to you, a few mammas dear, for clarity in my head that is so so welcome. I wish for all mothers to be able to smile honestly at every other mother, not judge, enough with the judging….

My dear friend told me, after watching me with my baby that if she were ever to have another baby she would do so many things differently to what she had done with her first two. Music to my ears; I too, after meeting and observing so many natural mums along the way, was parenting my third baby so differently than my first. I was relishing in the delights of baby wearing, co sleeping and breastfeeding. To have my dear friend validate how good these things must be for mum and baby felt like a baby step towards the opening of the eyes of all mums to the goodness and wonder that is attachment parenting (for lack of a better term). Then a bombshell as she continued… “But… I still wouldn’t breastfeed”.

photo from: http://newsanchormom.blogspot.com.au/2011/01/breastfeeding-controversy.html

What followed for me wasn’t shock horror, disappointment or despair for this unborn hypothetical baby. It was understanding. A light bulb moment that finally allowed me to get my head around something that had only caused me mental torment until this moment.

The insight that came was that not all women want to breastfeed. That like all things from preconception till our babies are well grown, we have choices. But do women really know that to breastfeed your baby is to make a choice?

Breastfeeding is thrust upon women in prenatal classes and as early in hospital as booking in. Women are almost scared to say they so if they don’t want to breastfeed. Hence unenthusiastically they initiate breastfeeding but at the first opportunity they see as an out they take it. Cracked nipples, milk slow to come in, anything. If women only had the courage to really investigate how they feel about the feeding options available to them; and we as health professionals made it more clear that there are options; that it simply isn’t breast or bottle. There are a variety of feeding options that include breastfeed, pump exclusively, donated breastmilk, mixed feeding (breastmilk and formula), formula. When expectant couples are aware of the options it begins to become clearer that a real decision has to be made, it is not just as simple as turning to formula by default.

It is when these options have had little consideration and breastfeeding begins to hurt or baby is feeding a lot AND all night that the mother who doesn’t particularly care for breastfeeding, lets it go. Not realising she had just made a choice, its very easy for her to say, oh breastfeeding just didn’t work for me, breastfeeding is too painful, I didn’t have enough milk to keep my baby happy. This kind of language can be very detrimental to breastfeeding. This language puts breastfeeding up on an unachievable pedestal. But worse, it undermines the very mothers who choose not to breastfeed, it is an entry way for guilt. Mum feels guilty because breastfeeding didn’t work for her, for what ever reason mother inserts here. Why can’t it be ok for these mothers to say I choose not to breastfeed because it is not what is best for me and my baby at this time. Its not only ok, it’s very important.

In our society where the biological normal feeding method isn’t the culturally normal feeding method a woman has to want to breastfeed for it to work, if deep down, even subconsciously she doesn’t want to breast feed it will eventually fall apart. Probably sooner rather than later. My evidence for this is in my practice and circle of friends even, women who have done everything and anything to hang on to their fragile breastfeeding relationship. I’m talking pumping, complementary feeding, herbs, medications, home visit after home visit, supply lines, donated milk, the works. Until one day the time comes when they can hold their head high and say, you know what, I really wanted this, I tried my absolute best and I’m damn proud of what we’ve been through and achieved. My point is if you really want it you can make it happen to the best of your ability.

Using a lactation aid - photo from

http://www.asklenore.info/breastfeeding/induced_lactation/lact_aid.shtml

Standing up and making the choice not to breastfeed doesn’t make that mother anti breastfeeding, conversely it is acknowledging the value of breastfeeding and breastmilk and the importance of protecting and promoting it in spite of her own decision not to choose it for her and her baby.

The aim of this is to remove the guilt and pressure associated with feeding choices. The formula feeding mum so often refers to her feelings of guilt over the decision to not breastfeed and the breastfeeding mother so often struggles with trying not to make the formula feeding mother feel bad. We are all responsible for our own feelings so if it is guilt that the mother who chooses to formula feed is feeling; when another mother breastfeeds by her at the shops for example; it comes from no body but her self. If this mother can own her decision to feed her baby the way she has chosen, she has every right to hold her head as high, just as high as the breastfeeding mother does. The only person you have to answer to is your self. If you can’t hold your head high, if guilt is weighing you down then it’s going to take time to assess why. Does it come down to not making a truly informed decision about your feeding options? Did you explore all your options and choose what was best for you? If the guilt is truly crippling, is relactation an option? or do deal with it, come to terms and educate your self better for next time?

We need to stop judging and comparing, I often hear from breastfeeding supporters that they feel sorry for tiny babies when they see them being fed a bottle of what is assumed to be formula. That type of thinking is as harmful to mums and babies as asking the breastfeeding mother to cover up is. We don’t know what their story is, or what’s in the bottle even, maybe its donated breastmilk and the baby is adopted. We only know our own story. The only thing ever that we should think when we see another mum and baby is “oh what a beautiful baby. I’m sure that mum has her baby’s best interests at heart. I know she is only doing her best that she can do today and every day”

Till next time

Louise

xxx

Is he a good baby? 6 to 12 months.

As my little person nears the 6 month mark (insert sad teary face here) I thought to touch on sleep and feeding habits of the slightly older baby, the 6 to 12 month old. In this age of baby there is a much greater societal expectation of “good behaviour”, I think what they mean by good baby is a baby that is sleeping well (and through the night) and breastfeeding less (than when he was new), as well as taking good amounts of solids with out being fussy. Hmmmm expect much?

So what is normal for infant sleep at this age? It’s so very common for this still young baby to be “cat napping” during the day. Also needing comfort measures to get to sleep be them feeding to sleep, rocking or carrying or simply mum or dad’s presence. Night feeds are normal, and important. Night feeds keep up the milk supply and help with continued baby growth and brain development. To ignore your baby’s cry is to ignore its most purest emotion, that cry is your baby expressing his love and need for his mother, why would a baby simply switch this off at any particular age, just because culturally we expect him to.

Is he a good baby? Sure he is settled all night long, he has about 4 boobs through the night, some times more some times less, his needs vary.

This is how we roll, snoozing in the ergo around home.

Babies between these ages can go through many different feeding patterns. One baby may be feeding more than ever as he developmentally is needing the comfort the breast provides as circumstances around him changes (mum starting some part time work for example), or perhaps he’s experiencing a stage of separation anxiety. The next baby might struggle to have a couple of feeds during the day, as he is learning to crawl and experience the world around him, this baby will probably make up for missed feeds at night. They’re clever like that.

Is he a good feeder?  He’s really clever, if I just follow his cues he lets me know when he wants milk, breastfeeding is great like that.

The solid thing gets so much more attention than it deserves at this age, or any stage during the early years for that matter. Babies and children are very clever and regulate their intake to just the right amount for them, this is why feeing the baby according to his need (demand feeding) is all that he needs. Family foods in the second six months of life are all about a learning experience, baby learning textures and tastes and how this eating thing works. Nutritionally the solids between 6 and 12 months and in many cases longer mean very little; provided, once more, the baby is fed according to his need. Baby led solids is a fantastic approach to introducing family foods and is very breastfeeding friendly in that it doesn’t look at foods for this age as meals and maintains breastfeeds as the main nutritional intake.

Is he a good eater? He loves exploring his food; he feeds himself lots of different foods as he plays. Food under one is just for fun.

Rhys looking pretty proud of himself after a play session with a mango seed 5 and a bit mths.

There is no such thing as a bad baby, babies are not manipulative, nor do they exist to have mum be the brunt of an evil baby led conspiracy theory. Our babies are little people we are growing, baby animals that need every thing we can give, love, comfort, food and affection. The freshest newborn needs these things to thrive and be safe and secure in this big wide world, the bigger baby and even bigger child needs them all the same, maybe even more but definitely no less.

Till next time

lou x

Lazy mum

I’m the first to admit that i'm a lazy person, if I can get out of doing something, I will, if I can do something half heartedly but get the same result I will. I’ve now realised I parent the way I do because is slips in just perfectly with my tendency to be a lazy bum.

I believe the way I parent my baby  is the best of both worlds, for him, meeting his every need and for me least physical effort, allowing me the most rest making us both chilled out happy people.

I’m going to break down the three biggest features in my parenting life at the moment and share the laziness they behold.

Breastfeeding – the lazy feeding choice. Breastfeeding something only a mum can do for her baby (except in case of cross nursing) therefore mum can take every opportunity her bub feeds to sit down and put her feet up. In the early days when bub is feeding all the time it can be easy to have the thought ‘oh no not feeding again’ but once you learn to embrace the fact that feeding means, happy quite bub, rest and comfy couch, tv/laptop one will quickly drop those thoughts and learn to look forward to the next feed time. Even better when babe cluster feeds of an evening. When else can you set up there on the couch, snuggling your suckling babe totally guilt free and let go all that needs doing or palm it off to others around you. This breastfeeding thing can really be “milked” and used to your advantage ;)

                                                                   Photo by Inspired Images

Bed sharing – ultimate in lazy night time parenting. How can something that results in optimum amounts of sleep for mum and babes every possible need being met, being right there next to mum and her milk be forgotten in our culture today. I was planning to co sleep (sharing the same room, babe in arms reach) with my baby from birth, this however very quickly turned into bed sharing (sharing the same sleeping surface as your baby) as to sit up and pick baby up out of his bassinette, feed then return him to bed simply required too much effort and awake time on my behalf. I decided to ditch the bassinette, I side cared the cot and never looked back. I get the regulatory “is he sleeping through the night?” from family or strangers and I can respond, “no, but I am” and go on to explain that he feeds and sleeps and I sleep, rouse to help and mouth find a nipple in the dark and drift off again. Maximum sleep, maximum happy mum. I truly wonder where I’d be if I hadn’t discovered this mothering bliss this time round.

Baby wearing – don’t settle your baby, cruise with your baby! I’m forever hearing mums discuss their frustrations that their baby only settles when they’re held or rocked. Naturally this is where bub wants to be, close to mum, warm and secure. In an attempt to be as lazy as possible I’ve resigned this time round to give in to that and not waste one ounce of energy on settling my bub. I think of these mums, and myself with my twins, who would wrap and rock and shush and dummy and half an hour later still find us doing the same thing and frustrations building. Bub finally goes off, only to wake however long after and repeat the whole process next sleep round. So, to wear your baby, baby either feeds to sleep and slips in to the carrier undisturbed and you carry on about your day (or you just stay snuggled on the couch in the first place) or bub is full as a goog and getting tired, pops in the sling/wrap/woven etc carrier and as you plod around he checks out his surroundings, you unpack the dishwasher, put a load of nappies on and the next time you look down he has drifted off with absolutely zero effort on your behalf.

I hope I’ve inspired you to be a little lazier in your parenting. I think the point, if nothing else, is, slow it down. Chill out and take all of your baby in, look at him or her, its going too fast isn’t it?

Untill next time,

Louise
ps please check out http://www.inspired-images.com.au/